The End Is Nigh..

October 13, 2006

 Posted by Chris at 09:00 AM |  Comments (2)

Crikey, mate

September 04, 2006

Despite alarming levels of showmanship in the face of danger - including the suggestion in today's news that the stingray that killed him may have been provoked (and that the last time a stingray killed a person is Australia was 1945) - Steve Irwin was pretty brilliant. Not only did he achieve vast amounts in his short life - including creating Australia zoo, a place doing great things with endangered Australian species, as well as increasing the awareness of animal welfare and environmental issues across the world - but he could jump on the back of a crocodile and wrestle with it. That's pretty cool.

 Posted by Chris at 11:51 AM

Join the campaign!

August 30, 2006

 Posted by Chris at 10:37 AM |  Comments (2)

"Spitting out the blanche to change my special branch"

August 07, 2006

Stick Spiral back in! Vote Vote Vote!

No, I haven't gone mad, I just thought about incredible amounts of career-forwarding that will go on when they throw the BB rejects back into the house. (Does anyone see this as anything else but an excuse to reinstate Nikki to the house in the face of dwindling interest?)

In Spiral's case this career-forwarding will mean LOTS MORE RAPPING; especially now that he's has a few weeks outside to tout his services to record industry peoples...

So, get ready for more of this:

PLUS: Getting into the spirit of things, I had a go at remixing the 'Spiral Song' clip that was unleashed by Popbitch a few weeks ago. It's meant to be Hardcore, and has a GUN SHOT! Oooh:

 Posted by Chris at 03:50 PM

So tired of it...

July 11, 2006

OMGZZZ. Cansei De Ser Sexy are the most awesome Brazilian girl beats-n-sex group ever! I'm in love. Their album came out today on Sub Pop in America EDIT: it's in the shops in the UK too, woop! PLUS! I have it on good authority that they might be playing ACTH later in the year, and will feature on celebrity-foot-wank site Popstar Feets sometime this week. Raaaaah

 Posted by Chris at 11:33 AM |  Comments (4)

Happy Birthday To Me!

July 03, 2006

Well done to The Swish Blog, which today reaches the grand old age of THREE!

The first ever entry on 3rd July 2003 pondered the revelation that Toby was in fact the Hollyoaks serial killer. Gripping stuff.

Photo from Stoopidgerl

 Posted by Chris at 10:00 AM |  Comments (4)

It makes me smile...

June 08, 2006

I suspect this is a little bit harsh - especially bearing in mind how fit Lily looks in the 'Smile' video - but I've been quietly chuckling to myself everytime I see her for a couple of months now. "I am smoking a fag."

 Posted by Chris at 02:30 PM |  Comments (3)

Wink 182

March 17, 2006

New clubnight Wink opens it's doors on Friday 31st March (the Friday after next) and then follows the second Friday of every month with bands & djs (obv) from 9pm till 4am (ooh, late) at North London's mini-mecca, Buffalo Bar.

It's run by some good friends of mine - and I designed the website for them which you can get here www.winktheclub.com - and will therefore be pretty awesome, cos (frankly) I just don't make friends with losers.

Playing on the night are The Pigeon Detectives, The B Plan, The Nudes and Scully, and the people spinning the discs of gold will be The Pigeon Detectives, The B Plan, The Nudes, Heidi Heelz and Rene (Disorder Magazine / Fierce Panda). If there's not enough there to whet you whistles then I don't know what will.

It's FREE until midnight and then a measly £3 thereafter; plus there'll be prizes and free drinks for random people based on some arbitrary system of contest.

 Posted by Chris at 02:31 PM |  Comments (3)

Test Icicles Helpline

February 22, 2006

Are you distraught after hearing the news that Test Icicles are no more? Perhaps you're feeling suicidal because Dev, Rory and Sam will no longer be a part of your life, perhaps you're angry at them for causing you so much pain?

You're not alone.

Email the.swish.blog@gmail.com for impartial and compassionate advice on dealing with today's awful Test Icicles news.

 Posted by Chris at 04:00 PM |  Comments (2)

More spazzing

February 20, 2006

As I alluded to earlier, during the F-up I lost all of my audio files and my podcast xml feed, which was a bit of a downer as I'd just updated it so you could download almost all of my previous 20 Podcasts. Luckily I had a backup of the audio files, and they are now back on the server available to download: go mad. Unfortunately I didn't have a back up of the Podcast xml feed, so - although there is a limited version up live on the server now - that will take a little longer to restore (the time it takes me to rewrite the whole thing in fact)..

In the meantime, download any of my podcast episodes directly from here. Woop.
Episode #02 - 19th April 2005 // 58.1MB
Episode #03 - 27th April 2005 // 53.6MB
Episode #04 - 5th May 2005 // 51.2MB
Episode #06 - 19th May 2005 // 50.6MB
Episode #07 - 6th June 2005 // 54.0MB
Episode #08 - 30th June 2005 // 70.6MB
Episode #09 - 12th July 2005 // 58.1MB
Episode #10 - 22nd July 2005 // 56.1MB
Episode #11 - 9th August 2005 // 59.0MB
Episode #12 - 6th September 2005 // 55.8MB
Episode #13 - 13th September 2005 // 50.1MB
Episode #14 - 27th September 2005 // 47.8MB
Episode #15 - 7th October 2005 // 55.8MB
Episode #16 - 1st November 2005 // 52.6MB
Episode #17 - 6th November 2005 // 67.2MB
Episode #18 - 23rd November 2005 // 57.3MB
Episode #19 - 17th December 2005 // 54.8MB
Episode #20 - 10th February 2006 // 48.7MB

Or browse the posts which relate to these Podcasts here: Mixes Archive


PS: Katamari Damarcy flash game. Does anyone know what the aim of the game is?

 Posted by Chris at 05:54 PM |  Comments (2)

The f***-up in full...

To explain what's been wrong with The Swish Blog over the past week would take ages and ages. In short, my host lost most of my files (including all my images and audio files) so I moved to a new host. Hopefully everything should be up and running soon, although it probably means that all my previous posts will be text-only from now on (barring some miracle and/or many man-hours of image replacement), I also hope to have my audio files and a NEW podcast xml file up and running asap... Love, Chris/x

 Posted by Chris at 12:24 PM

We're a bit fucked up...

February 16, 2006

at the moment. We're working on a fix. Promise.

 Posted by Chris at 09:54 PM |  Comments (3)

Popstar Feets Exhibition change of venue!

November 25, 2005

The venue for tonight's Real Live Wires event has had to change at the last minute, please don't let this put you off coming:

"Lovely People

Due to situations far beyond Foxy Music's control The venue for Friday's
(25th Nov) Real Live Wires night has had to change.

The event will now take place at:

Dirty South,
162 Lee High Road,
Lewisham
SE13 5PR

MAP: www.streetmap.co.uk

The doors are still at 8pm but we now have the bonus of finishing at 2.30am, and it is stll £5/£3 NUS/DSS to get in, and the line up is still Junkbox/esOterica/The Indelicates.

There are plenty of buses that run past the venue and the nearest rail/dlr
stations are Lewisham which are a five minute walk from the venue.

Sorry to do this to you so late in the day, but it has only just been
finalised.

Hope to still see you all there."

 Posted by Chris at 09:16 AM

Fame at last!

November 22, 2005

Thanks to everyone who pointed out The Swish Blog's first broadsheet mention in the Observer Review's letter page this Sunday. Whoever our Mr John Doe is I'm sure Tom from Indie MP3, Mike from Take Your Medicine and myself are very grateful for their kind comments about our English language skills.

Here's the full transcript:
"Your article on music blogs ('Geek translations', 13 November) was guilty of stereotyping bloggers, many of whom write relatively sensible reviews. Inventing the term 'Bloglish' and inviting a language expert to analyse how bloggers make up words created an extremely negative stereotype: 'Blogs are unapproachable'. In fact, many blogs are exciting, free and easy to read. I recommend your writer looks at www.abougu.co.uk/swishblog, www.indie-mp3.co.uk/blog/blog.htm, and takeyourmedicinemp3.blogspot.com."

If anyone knows who the gracious correspondent might be, or still has a copy of the magazine knocking around please get in touch.

 Posted by Chris at 04:43 PM

We went down...

November 16, 2005

 Posted by Chris at 11:52 AM |  Comments (2)

Kano Kuts

September 22, 2005

Why isn't Kano better than he is? Epworth produced him, Skinner produced him, Diplo produced him, Danger Mouse has mucked about with him and he used to be in N.A.S.T.Y. who we're, y'know, pretty good. Why isn't he massive?

I let shoe girl cut my hair, well actually I made shoe girl cut my hair. About half way through she said "Wouldn't it be awesome if I cut one side really short and left the other long?", i said "Oh yeah!" and she did it.

This photo is post cut, and with no filthy wax stuff on my head, but I reckon I look like Keira Knightly when she got that cut.

 Posted by Chris at 05:23 PM |  Comments (3)

The Following Post is...

March 16, 2005

Today: a number of links for you to have a quick gander at. I found them interesting. You probably wont.

THE FOLLOWING LINK IS EMPATHETIC

Fantabulous bite-back at the Colleen Rooney haterzzz.

THE FOLLOWING LINK IS CONTEMPLATIVE

A big list of clichés about bloggers. Actually I think posting the link to this is in fact listed as a blogging cliché itself. Damn.

THE FOLLOWING LINK IS BANAL

Babyshambles are playing Frog at Nambucca. So what?

THE FOLLOWING LINK IS UNFORSEEEN

It’s well known that a lot of American (read NYC) bloggers enjoy the sounds of M.I.A. (in the same way that they collectively went after The Arcade Fire towards the end of last year). It was a major surprise to me however that a blogging stand-up comedian was able to ask, “You guys heard of M.I.A.?” at one of his stand-up shows, and for everybody to nod their heads in agreement. [watch the video]

 Posted by Chris at 04:23 PM |  Comments (2) | TrackBack

the shape of things to come

September 28, 2004

question of the day
Stan bowles by the others is a song about peter Doherty from (or not from) the libertines.
Read example of story here or watch the video here.

Does this song represent:
A] Embarrassing hero worship?
B] Cynical use of a relationship to turn a profit from witnessing, first hand, the destruction of one of our generation’s greatest rock stars?
C] a song about a mate?

Vote now! Click comments!


Now some pictures from last week – artist shots below, and then a picture diary of last weeks events. Enjoy!





On Wednesday we went to maida vale to see the little killers and the hunches play a peel session. The little were good; the hunches despite having a flute) were not.



And then we went to a pub round the corner (which is why I felt so bad in work the next day).



Thursday we went to see thee unstrung, new Rhodes and the paddingtons but it was rubbish so we left, to go back to mine and listen to kjell.



And Friday night we went to clor & the sluts of trust at the windmill and it was good.

 Posted by Chris at 06:25 PM

omfg heartzz

September 09, 2004

most of you crazy kids probably already knew this - but i've just found out.
Seth and Summer (Adam and Rachel) are going out in real life, and are looking for a house together.
I love seth, and i love summer even more.
kiss screen here...

 Posted by Chris at 05:43 PM

only read this if you're really bored...

August 31, 2004

This is apparently what the chad wrote in a notepad on his phone after he had finished texting me for the evening. It's quite hard to follow, but if you work hard it sucks you into his drug psychosis quite well!

"No ones spiked my drink i did this man made earth grwn desaster theyll find this months lter as the las text ever sent bullshit i never sent it theres people all around me light in the corner of my eyes my body shiverin slowerbut faster the music then comes to a beat then speads thensettles in the middle my legs bouncing like a needle on a vibtrsting pad drugs are bad the lights are bleeding or like rain down i window all the noise re gting confusedd people dissapearing im yawning im with fergielaylas on my lap shes stroking me theprtsn talkin dwn mu ear is in fact +bout te metres away i should right a fucking book radio1 just scarws the shit our if me my phone is nie stomach i have a keyboard thers pnly two girls but i here nine the lights warm me warn me people run or do i imagine im in speke 2004 august 23,i think im on the floor yetim siitting yo p i heee everyone conversation i see shadow are they reel or di i imagineit moves to quickly im sitting down it ioo fasr i need a piss andaonother can ofred bullth toiletis my solitude noting moves ot ssks me questions the tolet rolls make a queation mark im paranoid i helped my self and left the right money everyone know hwt noone sees me in the middl im welsh im chad valley thetents now full of chavs and there hos lots of shakingheads how am i gfetting home 6 hoursxc+caers ad cand cans look like theyveben herefor years orhit,by aholcaust or 9/11 this is fucking wied i ma lone in thisdremsyate my facefeels like im knawering on my bra+n and dont caeebefore i waslike my back achesbut my facre is tingling so utdosnt matter which made me ask about the nevus syste he didnt answer midgets everywhere lonely chairs are they minea car moves slightly im off bifg drum and bass im contrllin my self on my ow keyboard drugs aee quick chemical drotherds are quickersmoke heat no soace i love it im trapped in technology oall consuminfgpwpeoloe out of the smke massive footballs peesinal c+arpark in out you get everywhere i am spunkflying f=throufh the solar system they know what im writing they know wht im thinking theyere sitting on my shoulser thery cant theve gonein front shadoes i rly on deny and defy me make ne giggle oncemoreill laugh promice in a search office ic an see aganyetmy hands and my brain aret coordinintin im working un haldfsyet i cant catch up ill have to write slow like adad with a newcomputerthe room idbrates 80s new yorkerswlk in wolves i feel like a lion the radioator doesnt work there all southeren cats always win how can i wake in the morningthe worldscavings in new breed of englishman more look like chickens i am slowly sobering thank god slow movement doesnt leave risidual matter anymore everyones talking no mouth movement buttherereall saying ormskirk did i make them im really thirstyi want to open a new bottle of pepsi but mine doesnt seem to want to go down im gulpin and gulong but the bottle never ends."

More mp3s on Thursday...

 Posted by Chris at 05:12 PM

this isn't written in any language in particular

August 29, 2004

Chad texted me a few times last night, here's the transcripts exactly as i recieved them - lack of punctuation, spelling mistakes and all.

text 1 - 21:21
right im back stage at creamfields and its really wierd i feel like fox mulder infiltrating a top secret military base theres lots of music im just walking around and im like the only one not in uniform and people are running and theres army trucks and some guy just gave me a mushroom for a cigarette my AAA pass works on some people but not others its wierd the mushrooms kicking in peace out bra. p.s. i met some clarts last night

text 2 - 22:43
I cant see my keyboard any more the lighs are like rain ciming down a window im laughing right now everyones staring im cold my dick's shrunk i cant feel my muscles in my body its all silent then paranoid the music then safty everybody knows everybody i see lookslike somebidy i know god made man in hisown image and every persin in the world i creatwd the random people i see are looking like people i know because i creatws them if your listening to radio 1

text 3 - 22:48
Then im sitting to the right a little of stage with a vcan of red bull people keep appearing and dissapearing im scared im laughing cos im scared its no reason to laugh everyone knows im gonna get shot my face feels like its gonna implode cos of the rythem in myteeth is gre+ater than the music tell davehe gave me wrong tel layla i love her chris you can have my song books when they find a body the shuttles taking off now ggoodnighnt ladies adn germs peace

text 4 - 00:08
Im floatin higher i feel like im watching everyon in theworld from above i can see yoy hiya wheres layla there she is hi layla i wish she were besie me areyou laughing asmuch asi am and not gettig watchedby everyone for laughing andfeelin guilty can you pik me up pleadse


I do hope he's ok.

 Posted by Chris at 06:08 PM

paula crying

August 23, 2004

Seeing paula radcliffe break down whilst being interviewed on the bbc was pretty sad, sure she didn’t do too well in the marathon because it was hot, and she had been training for years for that day, and yes many people in Britain hoped she would win, but she’s gone a bit overboard.
the whole nature of competition means that sometimes you wont win (or finish), and every competitor knows that and is prepared for that. She’s out there crying the next day on national telly.



Pull yourself together girl, it’s only running; it’s not as if its football. Now that would be worth crying over.

I’m probably going to trash tonight with mrs swish; bloc party are playing and I’ve never been before so I’m quite excited. It’s a bit weird because now I’ve been offered tickets for two bloc party gigs in the past two days, the other being in Liverpool next month. Apparently my brother knows a girl, who is going out with the guitarist in Agent Blue, who are touring with the ‘party, who were in ‘My Dog Skip’ with Kevin Bacon.

 Posted by Chris at 05:58 PM

the decision made...

August 19, 2004

Finally a review of The Ordinary Boys which matches my views on the young chappies perfectly, thus relieving me the task of constructing a spiteful diatribe in my own words.

Read it here on 75orless.com

I've decided that i'm definitely gonna make this into an mp3 blog from now on, all i need is about 50 to 100 megs of webspace to hold the mp3s for a week or so at a time, so if anyone can point me in the right direction i'd be well chuffed.

finally got around to listening to the annie album sampler today; it's top. buy it (or maybe download a song from it on this site next week!).

 Posted by Chris at 04:43 PM

wierd kids

August 02, 2004

This week a number of things have been brought to my attention. One is that full time sitting down work is awesome! I don’t have to walk anywhere or carry anything, and I can listen to music and loads of other cool shit like that. The other thing is that kids and early teenagers are really, really, really scary. If Jennifer Garner really was ‘13 going on 30’ then she would spend all day thinking about Busted, or Harry from McFly, or Duncan from Blue. Perhaps she would spend a couple of hours writing a poem to send into TOTP magazine as Amber Rose from Grimsby did:
The coolest girls and the saddest boys
We’re the coolest girls,
You’re the saddest boys.
The coolest girls are Mary-Kate and Ashley,
The saddest boys are Elton John and John Travolta.
We’re the coolest girls ever to be known,
You’re the saddest boys in the whole known universe.
Maybe she would send an email to a chart show, under the name of ‘Crazed Charlie Fan’ asking if she could shave off Charlie Busted’s eyebrows and get the hairs implanted into her face so she looks like him?

 Posted by Chris at 01:14 PM

a change of heart...

July 25, 2004

I just realised that what would be nice on this site would be content of some sort. Perhaps an mp3blog like the incomparable fluxblog or the comprehensive but possibly overly eclectic enthusiastic but mediocre; but that would involve actually having an inexhaustible list of mp3s to upload, as well as the web space to do it. The idea of a photoblog also captured my imagination. Be it a gig focused one like littlepants, or holly, who is photographing herself everyday as she approaches her 30th birthday (and she’s quite fit too!), it’s a lot less taxing to take some photos occasionally, but I reckon it’d get boring very quickly. Perhaps I should just leave it as it is and simply put up a pretty uninteresting post like this every couple of weeks for no one to read.

 Posted by Chris at 10:54 AM

banned from busted

April 16, 2004

Today at work I was banned from playing the busted album, both in the shop and in the stock room - which I think is a bit unfair considering that I've listened to that bloody Guns and Roses 'Best of' album at least twenty times.
Then tonight Busted were guests on the Jonathan Ross show, a brave move - the interview they were subjected to consisted of laughing at James' bare hairy legs and telling Charlie that he was 'big' (although he does seem to have put on a bit of weight, the porky fuck). Even more brave was performing 'air hostess' not only completely live, but in an enthusiastic and brash style, which in all fairness they would not get away with on the top of the pops. The guitars drowned their voices, they thrashed about the stage and ended it all by screaming, a lot - it sounded like blink 182 on a very, very bad day.
Absolutely brilliant. I knew there was a reason I loved them.

 Posted by Chris at 11:45 AM

a dream

March 18, 2004

I had a dream. I was working in the Dickens Inn and it was ram-packed, the busiest night of the year. All the staff decided to get together after work, so we grabbed a bottle of Stolichnaya and headed back to someone's flat. At the party I saw this girl from work that I'd been flirting with all night - an absolute vision; in my dream she moved in slow motion, a halo of otherworldly light dappling in her shiny black shoulder length hair, cheek and hip bones all over the place. I walked over to her and whispered in her ear "I've lived in London for a month and a half now and you are the most beautiful thing I've seen in this dirty old town". "So far...?" she asked, "the most beautiful thing you've seen so far?". "No I don't want to presume I'll ever see something more beautiful than you" I replied (my cheese rating goes through the roof in dreams). She smiled at me and said "I don't believe you by the way, I think you're full of shit". Pretending momentarily to be wounded, I looked up into her eyes and said "when I was a young boy my dad taught me to always tell the pretty girls that they're clever, and always tell the clever girls that they're pretty". She fell silent for a second, mulling it over, then suddenly asked "are you trying to say I'm not beautiful?", "no" I said, "I'm trying to say you are beautiful".
Which is where my dream ended, where does this stuff come from?

 Posted by Chris at 04:01 PM

kjell news story

February 19, 2004

It has recently been revealed that Norwegian prime minister kjell magne bondevik has come out in support of his namesake band, kjell from ormskirk in Lancashire, England.
Kjell have been attempting to spread word of their music for some time, and claim widespread listening will bring about the end of all war and suffering. It is reported that Norwegian prime minister kjell magne came across the band after putting his own name into google, and has subsequently became hooked to their catchy blend of drone pop and slapstick opera. He has since taken it upon himself to promote the band, and has been selling cd-r copies of their albums to other world leaders during his travels in his official capacity.
Chad stubbs and chris Gornell who make up the band refused to comment, but sources close to the band have said that they are "delighted".

 Posted by Chris at 07:38 PM

old women and mp3 players

February 12, 2004

I’m writing this on the train back to Liverpool from London, and I’ve noticed that my fellow travellers seem exceedingly technological. Of course you expect commuter businessmen-types with laptops on the train; although perhaps not 17 inch Powerbooks as far as the eye can see! On top of that I’ve finally seen a Rio Riot - one of those monstrously oversized hard drive mp3 players - gripped tightly in the hands of a Valentino clad office dude. Sat just two seats from him is a balding, middle-aged man proudly displaying his unblemished iPod atop his copy of White Teeth. Perhaps most surprisingly (or least if you’ve already grasped the gist of this entry), only a few seats from me sits a kindly looking elderly woman bent double over her Yepp 256mb mp3 player, listening undoubtedly to !!! or Brand New or something.

Today was also my last day of three working at radio 1, which was unbelievably joyous, and not at all shatpank as I had feared. I want a real job there, and I don’t care who I have to kill to get one (there is a one in about 250 chance of this meaning you dave!).

I’ve updated my playlist (see right column) please go there, good can only come of it.

 Posted by Chris at 01:38 PM

question...

January 19, 2004

Why was there a little dog chasing Karl kennedy's car in neighbours today?

 Posted by Chris at 06:09 PM

a rant...

I’ve had this constant impression for quite some time now that the best is yet to come. That somehow this relentless moratorium I find myself in is just a ciggie break before the big show, the operatic finale.
The truth is I don’t know anything about my own life. This could be it, the time of my life; it may never get better. I may be soon buying cider from bargain booze because I can’t afford to go the pub, or shouting at myself and anyone passing as I amble down a street alone, or I may be dead like that student feller from ormskirk who somehow lost himself last night. I may never again have cute, nice girls regularly texting me asking me to come out, or beautiful women simply enjoying my company; so why do I create false excuses like she’s got OCD or I’m leaving in a week so I shouldn’t start a relationship? I only ever have a week!

On a lighter note I went to the mighty register 23 on Saturday and as usual they brought the house down with their post-ironic kiddie pap.


Every kid I meet through my brother is twice as imaginative, twice as productive and five times more creative than I ever was at their age or ever will be, I hate them all.

 Posted by Chris at 12:57 PM

this entry is crap

December 21, 2003

To bring football into this for a second, it's a funny old game. the days pass as i vegetate - some thoughts on my week.
I've worked like the drummer from def leppard at two jobs; applied for and failed to get a job in PR; got drunk with Chad;


made a prick of myself chatting up barmaids;


and some fat bird won pop idol, or something.

 Posted by Chris at 01:35 PM

chad got hammered...

December 12, 2003

Dionysus smiles again, as his number one disciple returns to the fold:

[there used to be a photo of chad wearing a white pinny over his double breated suit here]

I’ve missed out on a lot of potentially debaucherous nights recently (two 28 costumes gigs, and a scout niblett (crazy notts girl) show with swearing at motorists). So imagine my delight to find myself in a ‘rules of attraction’ style end of the motherfucking world student party last night, the mighty chad by my side restored to full health holding aloft his second bottle of wine.
I was james van der beek.

 Posted by Chris at 12:56 PM

poor health...

December 07, 2003

I have been drinking too much recently, which apart from making me tired and sore almost constantly, has left me with an overactive but under-perfoming brain. Random/strange ideas keep appearing in front of me, and instead of dismissing them i encourage their development. Earlier when i was hungry i decided that i should mix the left-overs from a sunday lunch and my mum and dad's 'italian dinner party' they had last night. So i had roast potatoes, parsnips and carrots lightly fried and added to a salad of sun-blushed tomatoes, olives, green leaves and a selection of antipasto; lightly drizzled with ev olive oil and balsmic vinegar. Alcohol: bad/normal food: good.

chad has quit drinking, but has not turned his back on his deity of choice dionysus as many feared he would. he still managed to find himself in my house at 4.15 last night wearing a white pinny.

 Posted by Chris at 08:00 PM

shame...

December 02, 2003

As my sanity, vitality and youthful good looks slip out of my body more and more with each passing day, I have found solace in the most unlikely of places. Four years ago my final family holiday before I ventured to university was ruined by this thing (well partially ruined – I copped off with a fit girl on the plus side), as my parents, brother and gran spent every waking hour exclusively absorbed in this wholly despicable pastime. As I wandered the empty beaches and mountainsides of Madeira; playing football with local kids (I’m sure one of them was Christiano ronaldo) and accidentally going for a drink with the town’s strangely friendly paedophile, the three people I had come on holiday to be with sat at the hotel pool only moving to turn pages. At this point I vowed that I would never go down the same path, that like heroin, cigarettes and mcdonalds pink milkshakes, this looked dangerously addictive.
But now I find that I’ve foolishly ignored my former self’s warning, I have disregarded all my critical notions, and I have thrown myself headlong into addiction; there is no looking back.
Yes, I am three books into the harry potter series.

 Posted by Chris at 06:22 PM

stupidness...

November 30, 2003

Oh my god... so i bought a lovely new phone on friday. it's one of those new-fangled jobbies with a camera on the back: grazing the line between 'proper' pub showing off, capturing the moment your mates squeeze their malformed faces into a smile, and utter uselessness with the grainy, dark, unremarkable product. So as i was struggling to send a poorly taken and unquestionably dark and grainy picture across the world wide internet to my email address and getting nowhere, i threw the wretched thing down onto my bed only for it to jump straight back up and land slap bang wallop into the freshly made cup of tea which was resting between my legs.
the end.

 Posted by Chris at 11:53 AM

a list

November 27, 2003

I hate being pestered. I am always pestered. “Chris, don’t be late for work again”, “Chris do the dishes”, “Chris, eat some food”, "Chris, stop eating us out of house and home”, “Chris, come to the pub”, “Chris, email me everyday or I will get cross and dump you” (Emily), “Chris, lighten up”.
Grrrrr… I’m so angry it’s like being a lovely smooth skinned 17 year old again. Except back then I had friends, and I definitely wasn’t pestered as much.
Anyway, moving on I have something to share – too late to beat certain magazine's end of year rush of lists, and too poorly judged and unfinished to actually withhold any credibility; this is my belated list of probably the bestest albums ever released maybe in 2003:
1. Echoes – The Rapture
2. Boy in Da Corner – Dizzee Rascal
3. You Can Feel Me – Har Mar Superstar
4. Fever To Tell – Yeah Yeah Yeahs
5. Room on Fire – The Strokes
6. Rooney – Rooney
7. Elephant – The White Stripes
8. Youth and Young Manhood – The Kings of Leon
9. Music To Watch Girls Cry – Andy Votel
10. Take Them On, On Your Own – Black Rebel Motorcycle Club
11. Magic & Medicine – The Coral
12. Make Up The Breakdown – Hot Hot Heat
13. The Love Below/Speakerboxxx – Outkast
14. Dead Cities, Red Seas and Lost Ghosts – M83
15. Danse Macabre – The Faint
16. 99 Cents – Chicks on Speed
and that is where I run out of good albums, good memory of what albums are good, and good brains of how to write properly.
I’m still angry. I’m Still being pestered, even right at this moment My ipod is saying “Chris, You are a fucking cocksucker so I am going to crash whenever you plug me into your computer. You cocksucker”. I hate disdainful ipods.

 Posted by Chris at 09:04 PM

tom petty=me apparently

November 18, 2003

this is for the scan-dan, thank god i'm norwegian.

everyone wants the streets to be made of food

 Posted by Chris at 12:16 PM

a request

November 16, 2003

It’s been a long day of wilko lovin’ and rooney squealing, but now it is over and I must retire to bed because tomorrow I will accompany chad in bargain booze when the kids go to school. We’re all just waiting for ‘her’ to come in; it’ll be sooo funny.
There has also been more fun today: I planted a tree, found all my old copies of the face and even started on the heralded ‘list’, my top 10/20/30ish albums of 2003. The roll call will overwhelm. Why don’t all you bitches help me by telling me your favourite album of 2003? Emails to abougu@yahoo.com.

 Posted by Chris at 10:59 AM

new age pop

November 05, 2003

It seems to me that the pre-teen age group is poorly catered for when it comes to music. Considered too young for ‘serious’ music they are fed on a diet of claptrap manufactured ‘one blonde-two brunette-one black guy’ boy bands and mutton dressed as talent pop princesses. The problem is ingrained in our society, and now so old that these girls (and boys) are growing up still affected, a thirty two year old woman with a Phixx poster on her wall is not a pretty sight. Even rational, well educated adults have a problem with pop. Take the author of pop-humour site popjustice; even below the clever slogans and satire an unrivalled love of pop lurks.
For this reason I have decided to take matters into my own hands, for too long have pre-teens been fobbed off with poor excuses for music; remember for every Justin timberlake there is a Joey Fatone, for every Rachel Stevens an Evil Bradly. My idea lends largely from S Club 8, in that these kids should entertain their own age group. It’s no good an 11 year old getting wet at the idea of a 27 year old man, so all of my groups will be pre-teens themselves. Firstly if Pete Waterman happens to be reading this, HIRE ME – stock, aitken, waterman and Gornell, you’ve got to move with the times old man; and you know I’m right.
Band Proposals for the Pre-teen market share:
1. ‘The Libertweens’ – ok so maybe the name needs a bit of work, but the idea remains the same, 4 ruggedly handsome 12 year old boys with heroin and crack problems sing songs about love whilst wearing a selection of ripped denim and leather. Their songs will include ‘time for cheerios’ (based on the true story of when one of the singers watched the mayday riots on the news whilst eating cheerios), and ‘Horrorfilm’ (about how scary it is to watch horror films). The band will undergo many trials and tribulations in their career, including the time that one of the singers gets grounded for two months after breaking a window (with a football).
2. Of course you can’t satisfy everyone with drug-addled-indie; so the idea for my second group will fill the electroclash pre-teen niche market. The group will be called ‘Kids on Speed’. Based in germany they will played broken down beats and electronica, made on mattel childs keyboards. Their live shows will be a revelation, with free lemon fizz bombs and strawberry tubes for all the fans, and face painting will be mandatory for everyone.

 Posted by Chris at 02:09 PM

one live in brighton

October 29, 2003

Mix up central on the One Live in Brighton ticket front; Neesh wangled golden tickets made of hen’s teeth out of Nick Caley, only to find no-one wanted them. I couldn’t afford the long trip to the South Coast (my career choice of sales assistant seems to be backfiring), and Neesh herself is avoiding Brighton for a reason which I fear may involve Julie Burchill, half a gram of coke and a strap-on. So I was supposed to tell Dave that the tickets had fallen to him; but I forgot. So when Radio 1 journalist-schmoozer Nick approached him with the tickets he declined them and denied all knowledge of Neesh Asghar and Chris Gornell. “Neesh? A Journalist? Free tickets to this weeks gigs? Free drinks and schmoozing? Nah, nothing to do with me mate; give ‘em to someone else, I don’t want ‘em.”

 Posted by Chris at 02:14 PM

teignmouth

October 10, 2003

Location: Teignmouth Beach, Devon. Time: Sunset. Company: One of the girls out of BRMC's "We're All In Love" Video.
Visit Teignmouth

 Posted by Chris at 02:06 PM

my hair was savaged

October 03, 2003

Never trust a scouse woman sporting a bleached blond Hoxton fin with your beautiful golden locks; which are sadly now reduced to embarrassed wispy tufts. Today was eventful if not altogether interesting, but to be honest if I started writing about my day I fear I would have sunken further into the mire than I could escape from. Instead I'll inform the world of my overawing desire to attend Radio 1's One Live in Brighton. This want (or perhaps miswant) to attend an event immortalised in my mind by the carnage at last years One Live in Nottingham can be expressed simply as this: I want to go. I can't afford to go.
Full Stop
Dave said I could go to one live in Brighton - but where will I find the money?

 Posted by Chris at 08:04 PM

sad sad bloggers

October 02, 2003

RE: Blog. How sad do I feel? My blogging contemporaries include a "dirty-old-manga-obsessed-45-year-old-man-masquerading-as-14-year-old-goth-girl" here, an old-rock loving "artist" here, and a boring Californian female computer artist here.
The worst thing is - I'm so dull that all I can think of to waste my time on is writing about them.
Sad Bastard

 Posted by Chris at 08:01 PM