Close your eyes....

June 06, 2006

 Posted by Chris at 03:00 PM

I'm going on holiday...

March 02, 2006

...for a couple of days with shoe girl; we're visiting land of the permanent building-site Barcelona. Inevitably we will have loads of fun, and hopefully I'll return with loads of freaky Catalonian folk to 'spice-up' any future Swish Blog Podcasts.
(NB. While we're on the subject of the SB Podcast, we're going to be having a few guest episodes soon; from some of London Town's most influential nobodies, so keep your eyes and ears open for them)
Until then, adieu.

Photo from Hemflock

 Posted by Chris at 10:53 AM

An invitation to you!

November 24, 2005

Late notice I know, but tomorrow night (25th November) in Corsica Studios, Elephant & Castle, fellow blogger (and the rest) Helen Lawrence from Popstar Feets will be exhibiting her pedial-concerned photography at a late night party, with bands!

The more people that come down to see her work the more she gets paid, which, in turn, directly affects the quality of Christmas presents I will be receiving this year so I urge you all to cancel whatever else you’re doing and come down.

Esoterica, Junkbox and The Indelicates will be plying their musical wares on the stage, and double spirits and mixers are only £3.50.

It promises to be a really fun night, so if you’re interested in coming please send me an email and I'll put you on the cheap list for £3 entry.

More info: www.reallivewires.com

Map: Yes, it IS south of the river

 Posted by Chris at 03:37 PM

Hrh?

October 24, 2005

Damn. I've been seriously lazy recently; hence, no posts. No promises, but I suspect a MIXTAPE will be appearing shortly, so please be patient. In the meantime my life hasn't really changed much, it's still all about the zombies for me; but with Hallowe'en approaching again, again, again it's even more so. Shoe Girl and I are dressing up as '50s/'60s Zombies for fright night: her as a sort of Jackie Onassis style super-wife lady, but dead; me more mid-century Fleet Street journo with a drinking problem - not to mention a cream trenchcoat, glasses and a side-part - but dead.

 Posted by Chris at 05:12 PM

My first sober moment for a while...

October 11, 2005

I had intended to write small summaries of some of the tracks in last Friday's playlist mix, but completely ran out of time as I was late for an awards ceremony – about which, there is more on my Flickr – so for my sins (and my seemingly eternal hangover) I'll add them in now.

Firstly, Jeremy Warmlsley’s track After The Fact is taken from his soon-to-be-released EP '5 Interesting Lies' which is released on Transgressive on the 7th of November. Incidentally, any Londoners of a J_Wo persuasion should go to his EP launch party tomorrow night at the Camden Barfly – he's supported by Emmy The Great and Roland Shanks so it should be awesome – get there early!

I've been told I talk about Test Icicles way too much on here, so I'll keep this short: What's Michelle Like? was on the boy's first demo last September, but this is a rerecorded version which is the secret track on their new album 'For Screening Purposes Only' out 31st October.

Beauty Scars by Action Plan is the b-side to their new single 'Stendhal' out on Young and Lost Records at some point in the near future. This track has featured on a Swish Mix before, but this rerecorded version sounds a lot better and also seems to convey a lot more heart.

Now if you haven't downloaded the thing yet, do it now – you have no excuse (unless you're on a dial-up connection, or hate me).

 Posted by Chris at 08:28 PM |  Comments (12)

Overheard in JB's Phone

October 06, 2005

Some of you may have heard of awesome ear-wigging-voyeur site Overheard in New York where sharp-eared NYCers share other people's conversations with the waiting webbies on a daily basis. Well I experienced an interesting ear-wig yesterday which I think is worthy of OINY - if only I lived on the other side of the Atlantic - instead I think I'll share it here:

On the Central Line, two smart-suited-but-young city girls.

City Girl 1: He's not even that cute man, if he was cute and he carried on like that it'd be ok, y'know?
City Girl 2: Yeah, and his hair looks really gay.

My second bit of tittle-tattle regards the new girl in Eastenders... she's James Bourne's (yeah, that guy from Busted) ex-girlfriend!
If any of you watched America Or Busted on MTV last year (don't worry, you don't have to admit it publicly) you would have heard the lovely Kara Tointon brashly berating poor James for constantly phoning her whilst he was on tour in America; I think they were breaking up at the time, but this girl was harsh. He offered to fly her over to New York for the weekend and she told him that he was being ridiculous, childlike and inconsiderate of her feelings. Haha.

 Posted by Chris at 06:00 PM

Kano Kuts

September 22, 2005

Why isn't Kano better than he is? Epworth produced him, Skinner produced him, Diplo produced him, Danger Mouse has mucked about with him and he used to be in N.A.S.T.Y. who we're, y'know, pretty good. Why isn't he massive?

I let shoe girl cut my hair, well actually I made shoe girl cut my hair. About half way through she said "Wouldn't it be awesome if I cut one side really short and left the other long?", i said "Oh yeah!" and she did it.

This photo is post cut, and with no filthy wax stuff on my head, but I reckon I look like Keira Knightly when she got that cut.

 Posted by Chris at 05:23 PM |  Comments (3)

Everton FC, dead things and franchises

September 15, 2005

Looks like the ginger-crinkley one and our boys aren't going to have much support tonight, it is a bad omen or just a clear indication of the shape of things to come? I know a lot of you will have no idea what I'm going on about, "football? You mean soccer? Why isn't he talking about music anymore?"... whatever dudes, this is important to me - it is my blog after all.

On another non-music related note, you should all play Urban Dead it's a real-time map-based zombie killing game. Best of all, if you die in the game you become a zombie too! And i should know, I've died three times now and I've only been playing a week.

You should also go to the Battle Of The Art Brut Franchises this Friday at the Luminaire in Kilburn, London. It's basically a load of bands who are (or at least started out as) Art Brut franchises. It's headlined by The Rocks who decidedly, are not an Art Brut Franchise... hm.

 Posted by Chris at 02:41 PM

Last weeks obsession with Only Fools And Horses lookalikes in full...

September 14, 2005

 Posted by Chris at 10:41 AM |  Comments (2)

Swish Blog Playlist Mix 06-09-05

September 06, 2005

It has been a month since my last Swish Mix. Call it blogger-apathy, laziness or whatever you will, the truth is that I've had a pretty difficult couple of weeks, as well as being pretty hectic. Reading Festival, parties at my parents house (my aunty got knocked up), moving around with a heavy bag of clothes; Swish-Mixing was the last thing on my mind.

Now I'm back, and I'm back for good.

We're coming to the end of festival season here in blighty and I had planned my personal finale to be this weekend's Bestival, lovingly made by Radio 1's Rob Da Bank's. Stupid name, great line-up. However it looks like I may have to forfeit a fun-filled-Isle-of-Wight-weekend in favour of having money to spend on food for the next month. I may give away / sell my tickets on here in the next day or so, so keep checking back!

Coming up we've got Test-Icicles and Black Wire at an Artrocker night at the Garage, not to mention Artrocker's first foray into hip-hopping with Mike-Skinner's buddies The Mitchell Brothers and Why Lout?, again at The Garage. Next week we have 'Battle of the Art Brut Franchises', which I'm sure will be incredible, if a little pretentious.

Anyway, here's the new mix. It's pretty good although the sound is a bit fucked up on the lower quality version so I wouldn't bother with it if I were you.

The Swish Blog, Weekly Playlist Mix, 05-09-05
High Quality (160kbps) 56MB | Low Quality (64kbps) 22MB
(please right-click and save-as)

1. Bless His Heart - Blood Red Shoes
2. My Heart Is Out Of Bounds - The Long Blondes
3. Teenage Disco - Video Club
4. You Want Me - Objects
5. All In My Head - Good Shoes
6. Anal Lies - USAisamonster
7. Shh, Put The Shiv To My Throat - Gay For Johnny Depp
8. First And Foremost - Action Plan
9. Fire Kills Children - Dakar Rally
10. Can't Kid A Kidder - burningpilot
11. Paradise Park - C-Jags
12. Why Don't You Fix It? - The Seal Club Clubbing Club
13. Sick Like Me (Motor RMX Tokyo) - T. Raumschmiere
14. D.A.R.E. (Soulwax Remix) - Gorillaz
15. All About Us - taTu

 Posted by Chris at 10:22 AM |  Comments (2)

Help please, my beautiful patrons...

August 23, 2005

Hello, I desperately need a Reading Weekend ticket. I have mine but I need one for my friend Candy or I will be going alone, which we all know would be shit. A sizable amount of money can be paid (just not eBay prices, you know they're going for £250?!)

Help needed.

 Posted by Chris at 04:30 PM |  Comments (1)

What did I dream?

June 29, 2005

Just to expand on the Glastonbury photo post yesterday I thought I'd tell you which bands I saw during the weekend. The problem with seeing bands at Glastonbury is that it's almost impossible to make critical judgements on their quality; excluding of course the obviously terrible - like the story I heard of Bobby Gillespie of Primal Scream's foaming mouth-drug fuck performance on the Sunday.

Saturday I accidentally slept all morning, waking up at 2.30 - just as Art Brut were due to start - too late. I got to the John Peel stage as they played their final chords, luckily I'm seeing them this Friday so all is not lost. Anyway, straight after t'Brut The Rakes were on - if I'm honest the only band I really wanted to see all weekend - I'd just got hold of their new album and even though I'd seen them before I was excited in particular to hear new single Work, Work, Work (Pub, Club, Sleep). They were not disappointing in the slightest, believe me, even in my mid-afternoon half-comedown half-inebriated state I couldn't stop dancing like a donkey. They are still ending their sets with Just Got Paid, despite it's absence from the album, but it blew the whole tent away - everybody was doing the faux-ironic Ian Curtis dancing - the whole experience in fact was incredible.

Skip forward to Sunday afternoon, The Crown tent for Special Needs, part of the special Poptones line-up - which was generally a bit crap barring The Paddingtons, and the absent Carl Barat (what happened to him?) - and again they were well worth the trip. To the left, to the right… etc etc etc. Do wop brilliance.

OK, OK, here come the questions... Why did you go all the way to Glastonbury to see only two bands, both of which you've seen within the last two month? What about Coldplay? Or The White Stripes? The Go Team!? LCD Soundsystem? M.I.A.? Maximo Park? LCD Soundsystem? 2manydjs? Babyshambles???! ARRRrggggghhh!
Yawn.
Why go to Glastonbury to see bands? Honestly.

 Posted by Chris at 03:13 PM |  Comments (2)

Where is the post?

June 20, 2005

No posts in ages? Itchy, flaky scalp? This will be rectified, hopefully before Glastonbury. Use Dandrabust!

EDIT: OK, OK, so I was lying. There will be no post (and no mix) before Glastonbury, I leave early tomorrow morning and am attending teenage-sexpot-screamers Be Your Own PET tonight at the Buzzard in Camden. Sorry.

P.s. I got The Rakes first - and Epworth-produced - album this morning (it's called Capture/Release) and it's brilliant. Every song is about having a hangover, i can relate to that shit.

 Posted by Chris at 05:35 PM |  Comments (2)

Catch-up time

June 01, 2005

Restored, The Swish Blog seems a bit redundant to me at the moment. Hopefully you haven't noticed, but if you have I apologise. The thing is I just haven't had time to update recently, I've moved house, been stupidly busy at work, and a little bit ill; I'm afraid doing anything more than a fifteen track mix every week or so was far beyond me.

The thing is I've had loads of things that I could have (and should have) written about. I've been to a tonne of gigs, seeing many good (Twisted Charm, Objects, Death From Above 1979) and bad (Cazals, Dakar Rally, Metric) performances, which I would have loved to scribble about on here - this blog is, after all, my personal outlet of rainbows and bile - I'm perhaps more upset for myself than for you, dear readers, that I did not. In addition there were many drunken nights and TV shows which could have also found their way onto these pages (although nowadays these things are probably more suited to my livejournal).
Hopefully, with the house move mainly complete and my work-frazzled head clearing any future concert going will be chronicled.

It's possible that some of these forthcoming gigs will be at the Buzzard venue. The nice lady who runs the Buffalo Bar has bought the old Purple Turtle in Mornington Crescent, renamed it the Buzzard (zoological theme throughout), and has some worthy acts to kick off the new club in style:

June 16th
Les Georges Leningrad
June 17th
The Chalets + Yuppee Flu
June 20th
Tom Vek + Young Knives
June 21st
The Wolfhounds
June 22nd
Be Your Own Pet
June 23rd
Kinski + Todd
June 24th
The Cherubs
------------------------
THE BUZZARD (Formerly The Purple Turtle)
61 - 65 Crowndale Road
Camden NW1
020 7383 4976

Wow. LGL, BYOP, The Chalets and the Vek within a week!

Now, a request, does anyone have a leaked copy of the new Rakes album 'Capture/Release'?

And finally, if you use Livejournal you can syndicate this site into your friends-list, click here.

 Posted by Chris at 04:40 PM |  Comments (2)

Swish Blog Playlist Mix 12-05-05

May 12, 2005

This week has been one of highs and lows. Firstly the low of finding out Art Brut had missed the Top 40 singles chart by one place (and allegedly two copies!), which was (very) closely followed with sheer elation after finding that Liverpool had lost to Arsenal, giving Everton the fourth Champions League spot. Later on the high of meeting Amy Winehouse, and she was a real charmer too – bonus! In midweek came the low of watching Arsenal joke around with Everton; and finally was the high of having tomorrow off work (there are awards to be won and free wine to be drunk)!

So, hoping to end the week on a high I have made this mix – and bequest it to you – I hope it gives 7-0 style highs to all you Arsenal fans out there.
Making it was a tad labourious – I have a real job too after all – but I would especially recommend The Cribs track ‘Haunted’ at the end which is taken from their soon to be released / soon to be hailed-a-classic album; you should also check out Magazine’s ’The Light Pours Out Of Me’ which was recorded for a John Peel session in 1978.

The Swish Blog, Weekly Playlist Mix, 12/05/05
High Quality 160kbps (59MB) | Low Quality 64kbps (23MB)

Tracklisting:
1. Saiko Saiko San – Polysics
2. Wax My Anus – Chicks On Speed
3. What’d I Say – Ray Charles
4. In This Chair – Whiskeycats
5. Guns Of Brixton – Nouvelle Vague
6. Stand Down – Art Brut
7. Love Your Shoes – Furniture
8. Scene Damage – Test-Icicles
9. Little Girl (MasterKraft edit) – Death From Above 1979
10. Eight - ¡Forward Russia!
11. Broken Girl – Twisted Charm
12. Sweet Defeat – The Flesh
13. Poor Innocent Boys (demo) – Cazals
14. The Light Pours Out Of Me (session) – Magazine
15. Haunted – The Cribs

Edit:
It seems I rushed this a bit and consequently forgot to change the ID3 tags and add the album art (which contains the tracklisting), if you'd like to add the tracklist yourself it's available here.

 Posted by Chris at 10:57 PM |  Comments (6)

FREE BOOZE and some photos...

April 15, 2005

Apparently Roger Sergeant charges a fortune to do a photoshoot for a band; and then he tries to sell prints to unsuspecting media workers for £200 quid a pop. I've got a camera, any bands out there want a photoshoot doing?

Last night we went to his exhibition opening at Proud Gallery in Camden, and in my boozed-head it was brilliant. I imagined it to be similar to gallery openings from the swinging sixties, full of crap celebrities and hangers-on. In thirty years time I want to be able to say "I was at the Roger Sergeant exhibition back in 2005 - or the swinging noughties as we used to call them - and it was crazy! People we're drinking bottles of Carling like there was no tomorrow! Such debauchery." I can't wait till I'm old.

Well it wasn't exactly like that; Kasabian, some of the artists formally known as The Libertines, the Queens of Noize and that guy from The Boyfriends were there, but it all felt a bit contrived. Some bands played: Metro Riots were awesome, Dogs were ignored, and Carl Barat only Djed - which upset me as I'd expected a little bit of shambling with a guitar after his comments in the NME this week.

However, Popstar Feets actually went POP (as opposed to Indie-Nonentity Feets); upcoming posts will feature Kasabian, The Killers, Carl Libertine, Gary Libertine and George Bush. Beat that Popjustice.com.

 Posted by Chris at 02:55 PM

Bank holiday choices

March 22, 2005

Easter bank holiday weekend has thrown up a few dilemmas in terms of gigging over-subscription.

Initially Circus at the Elbow Room with Eastern Lane, The Cherubs, Vincent Vincent & the Villains, Crash Convention and Twisted Charm on Thursday night had seemed an unbeatable line-up. That was until I heard of the Be Your Own Pet, Test-Icicles and Semi-Finalists gig for The Birthday Club at Infinity. My Fan-boy Test-icicles crush and Jemina Abegg obsession (which has been in effect for the month and a half I have known BYOP exist) far outweigh my desire to see VVVs, who are the only band on the other bill I have yet to see. Ultimately I’m a sucker for pretty Americans and Jemina (BYOP) and Sam (TI) truly have me on a leash, a damn damn leash (ha).

Friday is even more difficult with a choice having to be made between The Pipettes & Ciccone (amongst others) at The Windmill in Brixton, and The Long Blondes & The Homewreckers Club at The Pleasure Unit (ChloeRock). I’m hoping there’s a possibility of gig-hopping in this case, but I worry a choice will have to be made between respective headliners The Long Blondes and The Pipettes, which just isn’t cricket.

So, any suggestions?

 Posted by Chris at 11:44 AM | TrackBack

The young and the new...

March 09, 2005

So here it is! The all-new Swish Blog - Movable-Typed and re-designed – it took me bloody ages so please comment if you think it’s crap / find a bug. Thankyou.

Anyway, my life has been conspicuously devoid of gigs for the past week and a half, mainly due to illness and the slow progress of a general gig-apathy that seems to have taken over me. I went to Frog on Saturday night, and didn’t watch the Soho Dolls - mainly because I didn’t even like that Prince Harry track; apparently their only good song – but I did see Lizzy Jagger (along with every other tom, dick and harry.)

Since then I’ve tried to relax as much as possible to prepare myself for the big weekend of joy (and financial ruin); if you’re anywhere near London from tonight onwards you shouldn’t miss the following…

Tonight: The Dustin’s Bar Mitzvah single launch party. Kill City, Action Plan, Rank Deluxe, The Fades, Larrikin Love and Jamie T. (Incidentally The Cribs and Black Wire at Infinity ran a very close second on this one)

Thursday: The Camden Crawl – I need say no more.

Friday: loads of things on as usual but if you’ve got any pop-superstar fan-boy tendencies you won’t miss Charlie Fightstar Djing at 333 in Hoxton.

Saturday: Frog have Yeti on, but as much as I admire John Hassall I suspect it’ll be another ‘stay in the artrocker room’ night (i.e. avoid the band at all cost.)

So there you have it; I couldn’t think of anything to post about so I simply gave a run-down of my gig-diary.

 Posted by Chris at 04:13 PM |  Comments (2) | TrackBack

QoN, The Cazals and The Subways

February 19, 2005

Weeks of over-exertion and gin-guzzling reached their logical conclusion this week, my body finally saying 'that's enough now, I'm not doing it anymore� at the start of this week. Consequently last night (Friday) and tonight were designated 'quiet nights'. A certain amount of recuperation is required, especially if I'm to survive this Sunday, which will see me shaking my booty at a Tsunami fund-raiser at Nambucca in Holloway.

To compensate I've decided to provide you, my dear readers, with an mp3-infused run down of what I could have been doing these past couple of days, had I not been so physically messed-up.



Last night, Friday 18th February, a possibility was the angular records clubnight at the venue in New cross featured the fucks, the blue minkies and mitten. however my choice for the evening would have been the queens of noise clubnight at the barfly with 10,000 things, the witnesses, and the cazals.
The queens of noise released a mix-tape thing on itunes called 'the best of 2005' at the start of the year and have been putting the bands featured on at their clubnight every week. The 10,000 things song featured on the mix-tape was damaged goods and although I'm not going to make it available for free here, if you have itunes installed on your machine click here to check out the best of 2005

Tonight, Saturday 19th Februarythere's lots of great things going on in London town including the schla la las at the water rats - you can download some snippets of their songs on their website here.

Slightly more enticing for me personally would be The Cazals and Dustin's Bar Mitzvah at the error campaign clubnight at Nambucca. I know incredibly little about The Cazals considering how long they've been knocking round the scene - I do know they have shiny hair, brown hats and are pete-d-approved - whether any of those things are good points I don't know. Make your own mind up.
The cazals - bounder and a cad

After that gig I would have been going to frog to see (get ready for this incredible insight) young+pretty+eavis-selected+rock-and-roll-killers the subways.If you haven't heard their hype yet then you must have had your head in a washing machine for the past 8 months. Bands at frog take the stage at an hour past midnight, and the subways have the perfect song for that occasion.
the subways - at 1 am

Now I'm back to bed with a raw carrot and a mug of green tea.

 Posted by Chris at 01:00 PM

The Fades

February 09, 2005

the fades – fruit machine (demo)
the fades – caca (demo)
I’ve been sat on these tracks for a rather long time now, and I’m really not sure why.
James from the band accosted me at a gig back in November and promised to send me some demos, which promptly arrived; and I’ve been meaning to post them ever since.
The thing with the fades is: they’re nothing new and not exceptionally exciting, but they are really good. They do what they do, and they do it well; the type of music they make could, in many cases, turn out forced or contrived, but they make it seem easy.
Singer Dave and his brother James form the backbone of the group, which rose from the ashes of previous band Molotov Cocktail (apparently championed by Stevey Lamacq), The fades released a couple of singles and then a 6 track EP called Social Misfits in May of last year. The tracks available above are from some new demos that the band recorded in October 2004, and are currently playing around the gig circuit.
More downloads available: bbc.co.uk/radio1/onemusic
Website: thefades.co.uk
Buy it from: amazon


Yesterday I interviewed Adam Green for work. It was loads of fun, and he’s a really nice guy; but I came out of the interview feeling completely disappointed and dejected for two reasons.
My first reason relates to the physical: he wasn’t as big as I had hoped, and he didn’t offer me lots of alcohol / drugs. OK - lame I know – but I would have liked some drugs, because then I could have said to my grandchildren, “I was a bit of a Wildman in my youth; I was drug-buddies with Adam Green…”
My second reason (although not too far removed from the first) relates to the social: he didn’t instantly recognise me as a kindred spirit, and take me into his inner ring, and make me his lover, and we didn’t get matching tattoos saying ‘chris and adam friends 4 eva’.
That would have been cool.
anyway the video for the interview will be edited soon and up online; although I can’t really post the link on here – for ‘watch your job when you’ve got a blog’ reasons, a la this gentleman.

 Posted by Chris at 01:13 PM

Incredibly optimistic post, plus: V!

February 04, 2005

Great stuff! I’m feeling pretty good today having had a night off from gigs and the London rat race last night, I stayed in and watched ER. Which was lovely. Thoroughly enjoyable and totally relaxing, just like Thursday nights should be. Everton won again, putting us 7 points ahead of Liverpool, which is also lovely, enjoyable and totally relaxing. Everything is great.

To top of this fest of greatness I have just been given another role at work. I am now the official Smash Hits Forum moderator! This means I get to hang around on a pop forum all day at work, and not get told off!

To celebrate this great news here is a lovely picture of the boyband V which was taken especially for me during my time at hit40uk!
Yay, go V!

 Posted by Chris at 02:56 PM

This is a big long list of gigs I have been to...

February 03, 2005

Have been gigging loads and loads with the shoe girl recently; spending silly money and drinking silly drinks. It got so bad by Monday morning that I took two days off work! I never take days off work! If I feel bad I generally just go to work and skive as much as I can. Anyway, here’s a short run though the past week and a half in the land of swish and shoes.

Tuesday 25th January 2005
Maximo Park at Metro. Supported by faulty driver (I think) who were actually quite good; in a vertically challenged Kele Okereke way. Maximo park were pretty good, but it was a bit of an industry gig full of old people – so wasn’t fully enjoyable.

Thursday 27th January 2005
Art Goblins at Circus / Elbow Room, Islington. Some shit American/Canadian band were on first who were rubbish. Then (surprisingly low on the bill) were dustin’s bar mitzvah who played one of the best gigs I’ve seen by then so far (no jimmy white though?) best bits of the set: all the chineapples fans hating dbm and not dancing – dave getting annoyed and shouting at them – dave getting a cigarette off Guy mcknight from 80s matchbox (alari?) – dave messing in the dj booth and having a fight with the DJ.
Next we had the barbs who were boring; which amazed me as I loved massive crush. Then chineapples; who were interesting. a little too dot org affiliated for my liking – but shoe girl is friends with the singer Douglas so I’ll let them off. Finally the art goblins came on stage and played a set reminiscent of kjell in their heyday – total carnage, and terribly, terribly bad.
jack and candy were there and we sat with them, they are nice.

Saturday 29th January 2005
X-posure all dayer at Barfly. Was loads and loads of fun – saw james from the rocks stumbling towards destruction, john kennedy wearing a pink stripy t-shirt, and I got so drunk that I went to sainsburys bought some coriander and then gave it to a 16 year old girl outside the barfly.
We also missed pretty much every band we wanted to see: metro riots, clor, cherubs, dogs and eastern lane. We saw maximo park and they were good, a lot better than the metro gig. We didn’t stay for yourcodenameis: milo because we wanted to get to Frog early. Dave went green on the tube (he said it was the lights) and went home. Shoe girl and I went to frog and I made up some dances and then we saw ludes who were really good – but do you ever really enjoy bands you see at frog? It’s too big, and too late and most of the time you’re too drunk – I see the bands at frog as trivial entertainment – like a circus, and not something you go to specifically see.

Tuesday 1st February 2005
The rocks at the barfly. Support from the cunts (who we missed), and the ordinance who were ok (this gig review is getting really deep now isn’t it?) the rocks were loads of fun as usual, but you could see that they weren’t too chuffed with the turnout. Best bit: Glancing around the half empty (half full?) venue James says “Tuesday night at the barfly… it’s a rocking place. And we are the rocks! That’s what we do.” And then he fell off the stage. Then shoe girl got her bag stolen by some ‘crack-whore’© and we had to leg it to cancel all her cards and stuff. We met sarah from the rocks on the tube and regaled her our story of woe. She had read shoe girls Live journal and knew all about her eddie argos infatuation, which was funny.

Wednesday 2nd February 2005
rtx at 93 feet east. Well actually, we didn’t stay for rtx (royal trux? Who?) and just watched comanechi (best two person band in the world) and gin palace I love ‘em; Helen Hates them… they still didn’t play ‘cool like an axe’! that song Is really good, I was upset.
the venue was full of old (well late 20s) people – apparently kate moss was there. I hate old people.

and that’s it. Hope you enjoyed my totally uninteresting run down of the gigs I’ve been to this week.

 Posted by Chris at 01:28 PM

'trocker and the rise & rise of popstar feets

January 12, 2005

Last night we went to ‘trocker to see (purveyors of female do-wop loveliness) the schla la las and (Sheffield’s finest new cross associated melodo-rockers) the long blondes. Most importantly it was another chance for helenium to grab some more of those all important feet shots.

‘trocker was the busiest I’ve seen it in a long while, but there seemed to be a strange atmosphere around the place; no-one really seemed that interested (despite really great sets from both bands). Dave suggested that (with it being the first trocker of the year) most people were there to be ‘seen’. Dunno.
the long blondes rocked though – even playing a bit of special needs’ classic the winter gardens at the start of one of their songs. Anyway. Still got a bit of gin head, so I’m not feeling too eloquent.

helenium’s new theme blog Popstar Feets is really kicking off at the moment, she’s even had offers of spot features on the radio1 and Q magazine websites! Having already got Chris Martin, and Tim Wheeler I think she’s feeling a little bit of pressure to keep the momentum going, whilst maintaining a high celebrity standard (she was a bit annoyed with me not taking pictures of the bad pop band Freefaller and Mikey from Phixx when I saw them this week). Anyway, she got shots of dj supremo Rory Phillips, and the (hair) drummer from the long blondes. And she hopefully should be posting them soon, so check it out.

 Posted by Chris at 05:42 PM

James, Meghan, Zac and Eddie...

January 09, 2005

Last night was a bit of a write-off. After watching Everton cruise to victory in the third round of the FA cup (only spoilt slightly by cruiser-weight James Beattie, who was described reasonably eloquently by my dad as “…a bit of a pudding”), the night promised to be a whirlwind.

first I went to helen’s for some talking (future. Fate-deciding / synthesising type stuff). We then planned on a quick trip to the pleasure unit for the awesome-incredible-screamy-spazcore-scenekids test-icicles, and (great on record - terrible live) gin palace; only to find when we got there that both bands had pulled out! What! Both bands?

that was followed by a snap decision to head to Holloway road for funfairs & heartbreaks at nambucca. helenium, distraught by missing the possibility of the gin palace midget’s shoes, wanted some special needs shoe-blogging action. This of course meant that we missed out on the possibility of (heleniums #1 shoe blogging target) art brut’s eddie argos at the buffalo bar.

anyway, to cut a long (and boring) story short - after a hideously long tube journey to archway we walked around Holloway road for about 40 minutes, unable to find nambucca; before giving up and going the pub for more gin. gin head this morning very bad, ow.

 Posted by Chris at 01:38 PM

Out on the common

December 06, 2004

First of all I’d like to apologise to all you mp3-blogeroonies for not posting any songs recently. Don’t fret sir, I will be posting songs soon. It’s just that I’ve recently moved, don't yet have the internet, and am generally speaking to the kids/posting blog entries from internet cafes/girlfriend’s sofas.

On Sunday lady swish and I went for a morning stroll on wimbledon common; spending most of the walk in complete awe of the countryside and all that gubbins. Bethnal green is a place where you can forget that fields exist. We found a strange little village in the middle of the common (I think it was Wimbledon vale or something) we went to the pub, and stood under the sign which said ‘most attractive London street 2001’.

I then cooked a ‘petrol station roast dinner’ (named such because all the ingredients were bought in a food stop somerfield with petrol pumps and all). It was top.

oh yeah, I nearly forgot. Today I got offered a job at Q. woo!

 Posted by Chris at 12:14 PM

Radio 1 haikus

December 02, 2004

After the promise of a partially naked zane lowe we set off to the radio 1 Christmas party with hope in our hearts, and (at least in my case) gin on our breath.
The place was incredibly swish and as it turns out expensive, as the much fabled and sought after free bar had already ended. Free bars are great, aren’t they? They’re extremely rare, and mostly fleeting – they invite a flurry of shameless, high pressure drinking (with some people consuming their own weight in booze even if they’d intended to stay sober. “you can’t pass up a free bar!”) however in my experience they occur only where the drinkers themselves could most probably afford to buy the establishment itself, never mind a few beers. And to cap it off the outcome of the frenzy the prudent millionaires indulge in usually leaves brassless dole-ites like me facing a £12 bill for 2 drinks. In the event however I only had £4.50 on me; so drinks were supplied by my radio 1 homie (and new flatmate) dave; although I was considering offering a pound of my thigh for a round.





In the end the party was just about ‘good to firm’ and was enhanced significantly by spotting harry from mcfly in the lobby. “hello harry from mcfly!” I shouted. “erm… hi.” Was the reply. Awesome.
the night concluded lying in bed writing naughty haikus to lady swish...

you have nice boobies
I often think about them
as I lie in bed

 Posted by Chris at 04:36 PM

this is for real... fever

December 01, 2004

Ever since I woke up this morning I’ve wanted a cup of tea. 10 am I got out of bed and staggered to the kitchen only to find there was no milk. I pottered around the house a bit more, chucked some clothes on and got out to the corner shop. Unfortunately it seemed I’d pottered a bit too much and it was now 2 pm. So I bought the milk and went back to the house, put the milk on the worktop and was then sidetracked by murder she wrote. Anyway, to cut a boring story short, I’ve just had my cup of tea (that I’ve been craving so much) and now it’s 5.45. I hate being unemployed. That was my fucking day.

Anyway, last night we went to ‘trocker to see the fever and punish the atom (who were really good by the way). Throughout the fever’s (la fievre’s) set I tried to get dave to shout out “Ladyfingers” really loud. Which he didn’t; but they did play it as their final song and it was really good. Here’s some pictures.

 Posted by Chris at 05:04 PM

wind in the willows...?

November 28, 2004

we took a trip along the proverbial willow covered bank to frog on Saturday night, which was, like, totally exciting because I haven’t been to a full scale indie-disco since I last went to crash in Nottingham about a year and a half ago. Lady swish was going on about her idea for a shoe blog all night so I thought I’d start the ball rolling by posting one of her (now infamous) feet pics.





and beware! Regular readers of her blog (i.e. crazy newfound live journaling passion) she is attempting to move into the dark and seedy world of slash fic. She’s already started a story about sandy and ryan from the oc; and she is even threatening radio 1 slash fic! Chris Moyles and comedy dave, zane lowe and steve lamacq, and perhaps most hideously wes and scott (although apparently that’s already happened in real life litigation fans!)

anyway back to frog: the (international) noise conspiracy we’re dull, plain dull. Perhaps my opinion was swayed by the fact that they we’re all wearing tight red t-shirts; but I quickly got out of there. Anyway the real attraction was gin palace in the ‘trocker room. I positioned myself early (which meant I was right next to the speakers), got my drink on, and my smoke on – worked myself up into a suitable pre-gig frenzy of excitement and then they totally disappointed me. They have no tunes. Fact. The singer is 3 ft 2 inches. Fact (not that I have a problem with small people – I love midgets). They didn’t play ‘Cool like an axe’. Erm, fact, I think - I couldn’t really make out one song from the next. Anyway. This is what they look like in case you were wondering.

 Posted by Chris at 04:41 PM

prague

November 17, 2004

Prague was a messy weekend. I set off to Liverpool street on Friday feeling like death, and I arrived back at Liverpool street on Monday feeling like I was dead. In between we were either in a bar/restaurant eating/drinking, or walking towards a bar/restaurant to eat/drink. And we found the coolest Czech indie bar; they played liars, and bloc party, and cocorosie!







I've been thinking loads and loads today; I haven't really had time to think since july. I've just kind of gone along with the flow because I lacked the persuasion or strength to actually bother with anything that was going on around me. It's nice.
Last night went to the artrocker night at the buffalo (finally, we’ve been meaning to for about a month now). The night brought a few more ldn firsts; first fire absinthes in london, first mushrooms in london, first hackney cab in london. I even diced with death – bagel bake lamb samosa.
And now Outside, east London is golden, and I just missed my tissue and blew my nose all over my hand.

 Posted by Chris at 05:46 PM

milk plus and fightstar

November 08, 2004

Milk+ - Last of the Mohicans

milk+ - Rebel Song

On Saturday night I saw milk+ play at the T23 & the psychedelic circus album launch party at the borderline. Scary futuro goth punks all over the place and a drunk fella with an adidas samba obsession. Milk+ avoid scary metal comparisons, despite the guitarist having floor length dreadlocks, and tread a much more listenable and exciting line of rock.
Contact the band: by email


On Wednesday my brother and his bandmate/hair-do peer came down to London for the day to go to a meet and greet with mcfly.
Big news harry has had his tongue pierced and they have got loads of new songs which they played to the meet-and-greeters.

Check out photos from the best young haircut awards 2004





That night lady-swish and I went to see Youthmovie Soundtrack strategies and Fightstar (which just happens to be Charlie Simpson’s Screamo side-project/busted-babyshambles).
As ymsS interest me more than a band that could possibly destroy the greatest pop band ever I’ll just write about them.
they played the usual 4 song setlist; and kept the crowd enraptured for the majority of the first three songs, which is quite incredible seen as the crowd was made up mainly of over-sexed young girls with a three second attention span. Their main redeeming feature is that they are filled with energy despite their droopy post-rock outlook; the music is impossible to follow and predict, their tightness and tension spews out across the audience until everyone is standing on tiptoes or biting their fingernails in anticipation. Sadly by the time they launch into their last, and arguably best, song they have (‘If the works’) the crowd are twitching and fidgeting for different reasons; it’s as if they can smell the eyebrows and hair straighteners of the simpson boy. and ymss get lost under waves of teenage sweating.

 Posted by Chris at 04:13 PM

hallowe'en

November 01, 2004

I went back to ormskirk last weekend to visit parents, dogs, relatives and a brother.



I felt completely rejuvenated when i got back, although I’m not sure whether it was because of the clean northern air, or because it was the first time I’d had two days off work in a row since July.

anyway when i got back i had to celebrate hallowe'en cos it's the best; so i made lady-swish organise an event. She was a bit lame and only managed to get one other person out - man mountain Ollie; but the night was fun nonetheless cos i got to wear scary eye make-up like gene Simmons.

 Posted by Chris at 05:04 PM

a post about nothing in particular

October 27, 2004

Swish-girl and I went to the others gig at cargo last night, and I wasn’t entirely enthusiastic about the prospect to be honest, as I think the others are boring self-indulgent old men, with a penchant for dramatic gestures – and how earnest! Swish-girl had told me that les incompetents (never heard of them) and the paddingtons (exceptionally pretty kids with a beautifully honed garage sound but absolutely no decent tunes whatsoever) were also playing. but it wasn't until about three minutes before we got to cargo she said ‘Oh and some band called agent blue are playing as well’ Wha! Wha! Suddenly the mediocre line-up turned into the best kiddie-tinged garage-band line-up ever assembled (except the others, who are still just boring old men in my estimation).
We had a drink (me: red stripe, her: cranberry juice), toasted John Peel and tried to guesstimate all the pretty young punters ages. ’12!’ ‘15!’ ’43!’ ‘shit is that Robert smith?’

Still no mp3s today either. Sorry guys. Nothing excites me; so I don’t want to subject you to pap which even I don’t rate.

Anyway, in the absence of downloads I’ve got three awesome links for you all to check out.

Hit40uk – enter the mcfly competition – see mcfly play in the universal records boardroom; I’m assured no more than 8 competition winners will be there.

Check out eminem’s new video for ‘Mosh’ or some song title to that effect (it’s how eminem works, 1st release off an album = dance style joke song / 2nd release = aggressive ‘I’m a bitch and I’m gonna rise up’ song / 3rd release = ‘but I can be gentle and heartfelt too’ song) – it’s an anti-bush/vote him out song; good vid.

And once you’ve exhausted both of those avenues waste some more of your time by playing ’iron stomach sumo columns’ when you get to heavy.com click heavy games at the bottom and then click ‘iron stomach’ (you need shockwave).

 Posted by Chris at 05:51 PM

i love the title image for this post...

October 25, 2004

A welcome return to student debauchery on Saturday night left me in a rather compromised state during work on Sunday, so much so that I totally forgot to meet the great darius danesh, shit its 6 o clock on Monday and I still feel hungover. I spoke to a ginger mc, and it wasn’t until I woke up the next morning that I realised I’d met him before; still can’t remember where though.
Dave has gone on holiday and therefore cut off my direct link to Rory Phillips on the one week where arriving early at our disco might not guarantee entry: 2 many djs and Polyester (franz Ferdinand)!
gutted.
Saw a very funny Ashlee Simpson story – she was on Saturday night live and was miming and they played the wrong vocal track – watch the vid here, and bear in mind they are meant to be playing ‘autobiography’ and not ‘pieces of me’.



Death from above 1979 – Romantic rights (Alfonzo Falcone's Love From Below Re-Edit)
This track has been knocking around for a long time, but I thought I’d post it today because I found a awesome DFA 1979 sticker on somebody’s desk at work today, and it now it’s looking beautiful on my bag.
Their website has a babyshambles.org style blog-from-the-heart thing, except: They’re not bad looking lads either and make a hell of a racket with only a bass string and a drum.
Website: DFA1979
Buy it from: amazon

 Posted by Chris at 06:33 PM

cleaning

October 21, 2004

Went to see diefenbach with FBA some time last week, which was nice – they’re Danish and play post-YMSS prog-post rock with a bald old man theme; apart from the singer who was skinny and looked quite pretty sans opticals.
I moved house as well, got a nice white van and threw my stuff in the back. I’m a nomad, travelling the world’s desolate wastelands with my goats. But now I’ve got to go back to my old flat and do some cleaning, so I've gotta rush.



Les Georges Leningrad – Sponsorship
If you’ve not heard any Les Georges yet, and you like no-wave bollocks and noisy Canadian singing which is impossible to understand then download this and be done with it.
buy it from: amazon

gotta go mr. Muscle is calling me.

 Posted by Chris at 06:30 PM

daniel ealam and all that jazz

October 11, 2004

I sadly don't read the NME anymore (just like Eddie Argos) mainly cos i'm scared people will laugh at me. but i really miss it!
So a couple of days ago i was sneaking a read of the previous weeks copy when no-one was looking, and found one of my bezzy mates from Uni, who i haven't seen in ages, at the bottom of the page.
Ladies and Gentlemen, Daniel Ealam...



but dan, HOJL, really? were we not 'getting down' to that at university 2 and a half years ago?
ooh miquita oliver's mum just walked past my desk!

 Posted by Chris at 06:08 PM

flash mobs are rubbish

October 07, 2004

Yesterday I was very excited about going to my first flash mob. I'd found a little page a couple of days earlier promoting a pillow fight on the steps of st. pauls cathedral at twenty to six. I'd been offered the chance to see the super furry animals play a peel session at maida vale at about the same time, but turned it down due to pillow fighting excitement. However arriving at the event I found out that it had been featured in that morning's London paper, and as I turned the corner to st. pauls realised that not only was there loads of pillow fighters standing there, about 150 people were standing around watching, as well as police and a film crew!
to me the point of guerrilla group activities like these it not to create a huge event, into which everybody can join - it is to subvert people's ideas about uses of space, to appear and disappear quickly; creating immediate but finite art. Yesterday's pillow fight was an event, like a performer at covent garden, or a carnival with tombolas, candyfloss and waltzers. So I went home.
Check out what someone else thought about it here.


First of all I’d like to apologise for not posting any songs for a while, frankly I haven’t been inspired enough by anything to unleash it on you lot.
However:
The barbs – massive crush Looking like a cross between kenickie and Gomez, the aesthetic of this band is a confusing mix of pop-punk neon cheesiness and terrible sideburns.
Creating the perfect two-and-a-half-minute pop-punk song is the aim, three chord structures is the game. Download this if you like to be embarrassed by how much you’re enjoying certain music (see: the Detroit cobras). Don’t download this if you’re after post-rock or grime.
Buy it from: loads of places

Jamelia – dj
Jamelia continues her ascent to the british r&b queen position. Nothing's gonna stop her. Not even an ill-advised cash-in-after-the-mobos-single.
Buy it from: amazon

 Posted by Chris at 06:14 PM

the shape of things to come

September 28, 2004

question of the day
Stan bowles by the others is a song about peter Doherty from (or not from) the libertines.
Read example of story here or watch the video here.

Does this song represent:
A] Embarrassing hero worship?
B] Cynical use of a relationship to turn a profit from witnessing, first hand, the destruction of one of our generation’s greatest rock stars?
C] a song about a mate?

Vote now! Click comments!


Now some pictures from last week – artist shots below, and then a picture diary of last weeks events. Enjoy!





On Wednesday we went to maida vale to see the little killers and the hunches play a peel session. The little were good; the hunches despite having a flute) were not.



And then we went to a pub round the corner (which is why I felt so bad in work the next day).



Thursday we went to see thee unstrung, new Rhodes and the paddingtons but it was rubbish so we left, to go back to mine and listen to kjell.



And Friday night we went to clor & the sluts of trust at the windmill and it was good.

 Posted by Chris at 06:25 PM

disney week!

September 17, 2004

It’s been a busy week, and to cap it off the sudden influx of visitors here, thanks mostly to kind help from sean at said the gramophone, and Edward at enthusiastic but mediocre ("..it seems good, doesn’t it?"), caused me to fly over my 2gigs a month bandwidth limit in about 9 days. So now, rebooted, suited and upgraded theswishblog returns. Thankyou. Thank. You.

We’ve also been busy bitches with Disney week…
The swish collective descended upon swanky posho haunt Sketch for mocky’s album launch party on Tuesday. Much screams were heard to herald the beginning of Disney week with ‘Mickey Mouse Motherfuckas’; but overall mocky lacks tunes. Two or three get you up - pogo-ing, dancing, gurning - but the majority of his tracks are far too reminiscent of failed non-McDonalds, non-outer space N’sync-er, J C Chasez’s album – which really is just not good enough!
Playlouder did the business on the night, so click there to read it from their shiny lips.

The rest of Disney week was all about last night – The Disney Channel Kids Awards pow! Pop never felt so good as it did last night.
and certain people had the audacity to suggest I was in a bad mood, I had the time of my life!
the sun has some lovely girls aloud photos – none of m I c to the k e y m o u s e though.




The Noise Next Door – Ministry Of Mayhem
These young busted-alikes are triplets and sound like all the crappy American emo/emocore/screamo/screamocore/emoscreamcore/ emopopcore/popmo/screamopopemodreampopcoremo that my brother listens to. But English, and more like busted. But without the good song-writing.
actually the only reason I posted this track is because they look cool, and it’s called ministry of mayhem. Which may mean it has something to do with that awesome british Saturday morning kids show that I’ve never seen because I’m never up that early.
Fansite: The noise next door

riton - homeless
I’ve been meaning to post a riton track for a while. He really scored big in the clubs and stuff with ‘square eyes’ and his 1 hour mix cd is a fucking gem (mainly due to the inclusion of ‘paris hilton’ by MU, probably my fave fave fave song at the moment).
this track is funny as fuck, although I really can’t figure out if it’s taking a swipe at people that disrespect those smelly tramp motherfuckers, or at the scummy bastards themselves*.
”have you got 50p?”
Website: Riton @ discogs
Buy it from: Amazon

 Posted by Chris at 06:37 PM

we went to our disco

September 06, 2004

Boys and girls of The Swish collective hit the town in a very urban-electro-kid way on friday.

 Posted by Chris at 12:54 PM

you're looking fierce

August 27, 2004

I’ve just found a page on one of my old webpages which kinda shocked me. I’ve been used to telling people that my old band kjell have had 9 albums and loads of songs, but it wasn’t until I looked at our back catalogue in full that I realised 114 songs is actually QUITE A LOT!
Go here to view the tracklistings of every Kjell album (many of which are now sadly lost forever) courtesy of Chad.

Ooh – 28 costumes are playing in London!
--Thursday 2 September 2004 --
THE NOISETTES + RATATAT + 28 COSTUMES
@ THE METRO, London
8pm until 3am, £6 / £5 with flyer

Searching for Nadia Ksaiba stuff on the web found this funny woman writing about the funny east berlin electro scene.

razorlight are playing nme's rock and roll riot tour. good job it's not called the new rock revolution tour or we'd have to start calling good old johnny a hypocrite.

A couple of weeks ago mrs. swish declared an interest to go to ‘the cock’ – I managed to shy her away from the idea telling stories about a disgustingly dirty dancefloor and poor sound quality. Now there’s no need with Fierce Girl blowing up all over the country – they look likely to become the gay Mike Skinner thingywotsit.
The vid for their [somewhat repetitive] single ‘double drop’ is here.
there is a really really funny moment in it, about halfway through - it flys in the face of the whole hard council estate gayboy look they’ve got going and kinda proves the VERy VERY CAMP gayboy theory – one of the boys jumps to head a footy that his mate has passed to him, and not only completely misses the ball, but also leaps like a jumping bean with his hands at his side – you have to see it I suppose.

 Posted by Chris at 11:56 AM

a new job

July 19, 2004

Somehow - I got a job doing some website stuff or something like that. god knows what I’m meant to be doing, but I’ve been here for almost 5 hours now and I haven’t been sacked. Anyway if you want to watch me ‘doing my thing’ all day long go to the ‘officecam’, you big perv.

 Posted by Chris at 02:46 PM

i got sacked...

July 06, 2004

so after over three months learning the ins and outs of the dire straights back-catalogue, my time at entertainment-superstore-behemoth MVC is over. I was late three times within my probationary period – amounting to 73 minutes of lateness in total – dismissal was inevitable.
now, although sunbathing and masturbation seem quite a welcoming prospect for the rest of the summer, I must motivate myself to find a new job.

 Posted by Chris at 12:39 PM

my 22nd birthday

May 02, 2004

Last Saturday, the 24th, was my birthday, and in true christof fashion I hadn't planned anything. Luckily that mattered very little, as things went off with a bang, and ended with a giggling, hiccupping and burping fit somewhere in the middle of London, lost at 4 a.m. Here's the proof.

 Posted by Chris at 11:32 PM

we met mcfly

April 12, 2004

Due to internet access problems (read new-found full time work schedule) I’ve now decided to write all the posts for this blog at home, and whenever I have time to get to the library, post them all at once. So from now on the blog may be quiet for long periods of time and then suddenly littered with entries, like the old adage about buses.

My parents and brother came down to ‘that there london’ over easter weekend for a long visit which was pretty cool. We played a lot of ‘balderdash’ and went shopping etc etc. The most exciting thing that happened (apart from my cupboards being suddenly awash with food) was on Saturday when whilst walking through soho my brother let out a yelp of joy as we walked past two innocuous looking skater boys, turns out they were two members of pop sensations mcfly. So after my camera was quickly passed over, the three young ruffians (my brother included of course) posed for a photo.



After the euphoria passed my brother seemed to fall into a pit of despair, dragging his feet and sulking through covent garden and all the way home, he had obviously expected to be immediately inaugurated into the band as soon as they set eyes on him. So if anybody out there is looking for fresh faced young popsters, get in touch. He can play guitar, and although not his strong point he is still a better singer than that strange looking blond lad mcfly have as their second singer at the moment.

And to finish, what was Naomi on about when she said in a recent email to me that this blog is incoherent and confusing? Anybody else out there not understand this stuff? I’m upset.

 Posted by Chris at 09:16 AM |  Comments (40)

now i want a girlfriend please

April 06, 2004

The day after The Times told millions of potential muggers, stupid enough not to have realised that white headphones equals four hundred nicker, that they were missing a trick, I saw a man striding down the street with his iPod clearly on display. White wire flailing around, polished silver glinting in the sun. Was he being thick, brave in the face of adversity, or just showing off?

I’m still so disappointed that the iPod became so popular; back in May 2003 us iPodders were special, part of a surreptitious club – david beckham and me. Now we’re both losers, swamped in a big city that isn’t ours, homesick, lost and finding solace and forbidden love in our P.A.’s. Or maybe that’s just him.





dave and i took a trip down the river on Saturday night; to the pub where they filmed that bit of sliding doors, after john hannah wins a boat race. it was quite special: steve wright had yellow eyes, dyke barmaids sang to u2, and there was a fake owl - a tawny i think. we chatted about how that now i have a job my next priority must be women; love is everything, after all. Any takers?

 Posted by Chris at 10:11 AM

a sad story

March 29, 2004

I've been told of late that some of my entries in this blog are a tad miserabilist, and that perhaps I should write more of happy things, and funny moments. Rubbish. Miserable is funny, and I'll prove it.
When I was about 14 I killed a mouse. Of course I didn't mean to, being at the time even more of a hippy-environmentalist-planet&whale-saver than I am now, I accidentally trod on the poor creature in the dark hallway of my parent's house. My mum had previously said it was my responsibility to kill it anyway, the piles of half empty plates and breadcrumbs around my bed apparently being the sole reason there was a mouse cohabiting with us in the first place.
The funny thing was, when the big light had been turned on and the family summoned, my mum and I realised that the mouse had been killed right slap-bang in the middle of the room, and as any self-respecting zoologist or pest-control officer would tell you, mice never traverse across an open space, always choosing to skirt the outside up against a wall.
So, after several internet searches and much 14 year old soul-searching a conclusion was reached, the only possible explanation; the mouse had gone to the middle of the room on purpose, and had actually scurried under my foot as I clumped through the house. The mouse was suicidal.

Sitting in front of daytime TV all day everyday does funny things to your head. One of the strangest side effects has what I term 'cerebral-discharge', or rather the random spilling of terrible creative ideas into my 'terry and gaby'-anaesthetized cortex. One of the worst (or best) of these ideas has been my 'TV advert review blog'. On similar lines to 75 or less, I will write short witty reviews of adverts I see on the tv. Anyway, the 'workinprogress' version (or what techno-devotee-silicon heads call beta) is here.

i Almost bounced off the walls when I read the line-up for the neesh recommended 'return to new york' big bash thing at SEone - Here - even if I know I wouldn't leave the room with both queenz of noize and the lovely lovely lovely nadia ksaiba. Now I've just got to find the £20 entrance fee, perhaps I should become a rat catcher?

 Posted by Chris at 03:16 PM

i moved to london

February 25, 2004

So now I've moved to london.
I'm poor, hungry and tired; and therefore pretty happy. I fulfil the happy little picture of a London street urchin I maintain in my head, oliver twist, dick Whittington, Pete Doherty. With only 2.50 in my pocket, and not new york, I have only my abilities to fall back on; which appeals to me.
Emily and Fiona are cool to live with so far, but with them disappearing to work and school every morning before the sun reaches my eyes I feel a bit detached from them. They ask me what I did with my day, but the quality of an exhibition in Shoreditch, or what happened in neighbours is hardly something to shout about whilst they're earning 100 a day or gracing the stage. So I feel a bit stuck, lost in my own (albeit new) home, I need to sort myself out, but unemployed life appeals, and a busy zone 1 pub doesn't; a problem, without enough money for 10 cigs.
So I sit here in the offices of radio 1, all of what I aspire too surrounding me, lost, without a chance in hell of entering this world.

 Posted by Chris at 02:46 PM

london house search

January 11, 2004

What happened to all the low-cost, top-quality, well-located, motherfucking-cool housing in london?

 Posted by Chris at 05:31 PM

prelude to london house search

January 07, 2004

Tomorrow the bargain booze boys head for the big smoke, hunting fame, fortune and pretty girls. Two journeymen, skill-less but willing to turn their hand to anything; [or] we’re scummy gypos trying to trick people into letting us have a house and have a job down south, because we shouldn’t be allowed down south because we are northern monkeys and all that malarkey. Anyway, so we go tomorrow at 5ish and we are looking at flats in poo places like dalston and hackney and stoke Newington and Shoreditch and Bethnal green on Friday. And then we come back to the ormskirk and the bargain booze and that is exactly where we will probably stay forever, languishing in obscurity as blubbering, stammering alkies until the world ends. Where we belong is at the top of the tree, the coolest motherfuckers on the planet ruling the media world, dictating style, fashion, music and visual art - pork pies and goatees for fat men (that’s just a taster of what is yet to come). We’ll rule as two kings.
However,
I will settle for a reasonably cheap house and a job which pays the bills and nice food and everton to equalise against arsenal in the next 25 minutes.

 Posted by Chris at 09:22 PM |  Comments (1)

bored: some requests

October 02, 2003

Bored here. I'm so bored I can create and maintain such time-consuming folly as weblogs. I need a proper job. I need to move to London, and I need to get my life started again this moratorium has lasted too long. I wanna go to The Basement, I wanna get paid more than 4.50 an hour, and I want a Jeffrey Lewis album.

 Posted by Chris at 06:59 PM

job interview

I have managed to get an interview in a resturant this friday, for a job which I will probably get, as "a good word" has been put in for me. A job however will leave me with significantly less time to indulge in my hobby; Championship Manager 4. Among the myriad sites made for this little piece of football-nerd-heaven I found cm-fc which is fucking huge. Hours of fun.
Championship Manager Fan Club

 Posted by Chris at 12:15 PM